Tuesday 17 February 2015

Mindfulness and Your Aggressive Employer




I've been working on my mindfulness techniques lately. You can find more on it HERE (and I'd recommend it for everyone). For me, in a nutshell, it means taking joy in the little things. The beauty of life. The tiniest, likely the most insignificant things. If you're reading this, chances are your life isn't too shabby in the grander scheme of things. It's likely that you have a bed to sleep in at night, four walls, maybe a roof, you're not starving, you're warm, and if you're really lucky, you'll have people around you that love you and care for you. In the last few days, mindfulness has done a lot for me.

I had a disciplinary hearing in work yesterday. I was told about it on Friday, so I could spend the weekend stressing about it. I wasn't performing a new task in work, because I was never trained for it. My hours in work have been reduced temporarily, due to my depression, the anxiety, suicidal tendencies, all that stuff. My employer believes I should have followed up with my superiors, but these things have all fallen by the wayside during my recovery. When they broke the news to me, I told them I hadn't been formally trained. That didn't matter, because the agency that I work for has a gigantic global client that they need to look after first. Naturally.

The hearing was pretty intense, a full on interrogation. I defended myself as best I could (with a trusted colleague by my side, for moral support), stating that my focus has been up and down (as is likely to happen when you've had a good think about ending your life), suggesting that I am doing the best job that I can alongside my recovery. My employer took this to mean that I am incapable of performing my job, pursuing an aggressive didactic in which the result was a statement from him saying, "So, what I'm getting is that due to your current condition, you are unable to perform at this job. This will require a follow up meeting as it is a separate issue". When I asked for clarification on his implication, he stated that he did not want to discuss it in that particular meeting.

I later found out that I had been stripped of all the titles that I have earned in my last year of working here, due to the above. 

I am not the only one being persecuted. Having spoken with other colleagues on the matter, the consensus seems to be that every individual on our team is being pushed out as, unlike other teams on site, we only speak one language. All we are is contract workers. To sum it up in one word, as employees, we are "disposable".

I went for a long walk on Portmarnock beach last night, taking everything in. I got trapped on a small island of sand and had to wade out through a few feet of water in the dark, because tides move a lot more quickly than I'd realised. I was cold, but glad I didn't drown. When I eventually got home, I called my girlfriend for a chat, then played bass for a few hours.

After all my thinking and my worrying, I realised that I'm here for a good time, not for a long time. No matter what happens, no matter how slyly your employer attempts to dismiss you or bully you into leaving, it's always the little things that you come back to. It's the little things that matter, despite anything and everything else, so don't forget them. 

Oh, and your employer is probably a cunt. Don't let them get to you.

PS, I have a degree, a masters, I love writing and I'm alright at playing bass. AND I'm nice. Most of the time. Hire. Me.